Wednesday, November 20, 2013


I am currently working on getting a new more boring work website up, but for now if you would like to contact me please email bertie brandes at gmail dot com. You can see examples of my styling work at and hopefully I'll figure out how to add writing bits in a minute xx

Monday, April 1, 2013


Hello friends. Have you had nice bank holidays? I did practically nothing, I went to Waitrose and blew all my Observer money (apt) on Friday, spent sat and sun with respective families, and then today.... today I did something quite disturbing. I made this: (that's not my hand.)

No, it's not food colouring, it's avocado. Beetroot chocolate cake with Avocado icing, if I'm totally honest. I know right, it sounds gross and vegan but I pinky swear I put like three eggs in there, it was for my gluten/dairy-free flatmate George's birthday, isn't it the best looking cake colour combo of all time?? It actually tasted really good, only like 25% like soil.

Oh yeah, so today I'm on twitter reading every single one of Emily Weiss's tweets ever (remember her? the "super intern from New York" in The Hills season 2) when I see a tweet from this magazine, who will remain unnamed just because who knows they might offer me 5k to discuss elle fanning's menstrual cycle next week or something. Anyway so this magazine is apparently encouraging teenagers and students to use what little basically non-existent spending money they have on tickets to attend a fashion seminar, which is going to teach you all about working in "FASHION". All that says to me is that they're going to teach you how to be a rich, stupid, dedicated intern, because there are no other "jobs" which span the whole industry, just a heads up. Anyway, as somebody who has amazingly earned money from writing about fashion for the last, IDK 3 years or something, I think there's a bit more to share, here's a hint, it's all free and it's all totally easy. Buy me a coffee some time.

If you love fashion but you don't even know if you love clothes or images or just a mood, or a photographer or PR or cocaine (those two go together, or three, even) or writing or any of those or none of those, or you just love crazy weave. Or you don't love anything at all and you need a way to channel your angst (sexy) all you can do is work out what you don't like. Schedule as many week long internships or placements as you can work around your schedule during a low time at work/school or if you're on holiday for a while somewhere. I know, everyone says you need to stick at something to work out whether you like it, but from personal experience? You know when you don't like something, you know after 2 hours. You do. I've never really liked any of my internships which is why now I know that I'm happiest in bed with a laptop writing stuff about pictures of things. That's actually pretty useful to know.

Also watch loads of youtube videos of frightening successful people and try to induce panic attacks, so if you ever meet/work with them, you've totally been there and done that already. How fashionable. Basically, don't be afraid to hate stuff and panic. That is literally all I do. Oh and try to eat lots of raw food, I think it does wonders for your life span, which will help when all those frantic cigarettes catch up with you, know what I mean?

All my love, as always.

Here is a picture of my legs I took when I was drunk last week. Great vodka, Absolut – I barely even vomited at work the next day. 

Monday, March 25, 2013


Yay I still exist! Welcome back everyone, unfortunately although it's been a year since I was regularly updating Le Bert, my writing skills haven't really developed. Still, my ebay skills appear to have matured a bit, I think. Here is the orange Versace skirt. I know I know it's orange, but it actually fits like a glove, and considering it was pennies in comparison to buying one first hand, I'm pretty sure this counts as a full blown success. Because of this, obviously now I've gone into an ebaying frenzy, which has never ended well for anybody. Second hand trainers, Bertie? Really?

Hope you are all having a passable Monday, I'm going to The Box tomorrow, I'm scared! Xox

Oh and apologies for my room being such a ridiculous mess but I live with a boy now (gross) so it was bound to happen.

Saturday, March 23, 2013


ohymgod am I back?! I'm back! Hi nobody, how are you? I'm sad that this blog became dusty :( I never meant to neglect it, I just started getting paid to sit in front of a laptop clicking things so it's hard to prioritise the clicking with the blogging. Anyway, what's up? I really feel like writing about CLOTHES. I'm in a total rut, can somebody help me please? I'm doing that thing where you decide on a really specific look for yourself (Twin Peaks pencil skirts) and then completely mess it up after about 4 hours. I just bought a bright orange skirt on Ebay. Nobody from Twin Peaks would ever wear an orange skirt what am I thinking.

So here I am sitting in bed unable to get up because I have nothing to wear, just like old times :') kind of totally missed blogging. I've also pulled something in my neck so I can barely move my head around, the prospect of even washing my hair is pretty intimidating. I guess I'll just tell you guys things that have happened. Hmm. I wore eyeliner last night?! Top eyeliner, flick, half way along the eye. You know, coming from somebody who just rubs red dust under her eyes for make-up, I was actually kind of into it. The problem is, you put on all your make-up and you look kind of slammin, and then you have to walk for like half an hour in the rain to get the art gallery after party (which smells like disgusting incense) and then everything's ruined anyway. But I guess it's not really for those guys anyway.

I went on holiday! With Gabriel, we went to visit his family in Palm Springs and it was just beyond me, I love it there so much. The house was beautiful and the food was amazing, and the sunshine made me feel like a queen. So now I'm just trying desperately to get back out there, spend some more time in LA.

Hmm let's see what else. I'm completely addicted to watching these videos. Is that bad? I can't stop. I'm obsessed. HELP ME. Please leave me a comment if you read this even just "." so I know you guys are all still here. I MISSED YOU. xoxoxoxx

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Wednesday, January 30, 2013